Author, Humorist
Atlanta - Georgia
I'm an ex-adman, founder of ASO Advertising/Atlanta, who now writes stuff to amuse, entertain, and provoke thought. The kind of guy dictators "disappear" first. I'm also pretty good at guessing numbers between one and ten. I'm correct about 10% of the time.
245 articles
John Bolton will go down in history as one of the bravest patriots ever. The former national security advisor sat down with The Lint Screen and discussed his upcoming book, “DONALD TRUMP IS A HUMAN TU...
Almighty God doesn't usually give interviews. He lets his actions and "natural disasters" speak. But last night, He reached out to The Lint Screen in an exclusive interview. "I'm a pretty mellow Guy,"...
Vice President Mike Pence plays hardball when it comes to health care. The man who President Donald “I am doing an incredible job, a perfect job” Trump charged with heading up the coronavirus task for...
A global pandemic might rattle some leaders, but fortunately, the United States of America has a stable genius as the helm. At yesterday's press briefing, President Donald Trump was ridiculed by the l...
Attorney General Bill Barr is a man who believes in justice, and in his opinion, justice is not being served to President Donald J. Trump. “It’s a disgrace,” Barr said as he walked into the offices of...
Senator Kelly Loeffler of Georgia is a true blue capitalist, and because she is, she's smart enough to take advantage of a prime opportunity to make a buck. On January 24, she participated in a privat...
In the last couple of days, you may have noticed a new president of the United States–– one who is somber and appears concerned about humanity. This change in attitude didn't happen by accident. "We c...
Thanks to diligent dumpster diving, The Lint Screen has obtained a draft of tonight’s address by President Donald J. Trump. “Good evening, my loyal American subjects. Tonight I want to talk about the...
The other day, our mighty president gave a commanding press conference about the threat America faced in the global coronavirus epidemic. Being a great leader, he delegated responsibility for battling...
Some leaders wait for dangers to strike before they take action, and some plan a move ahead and make smart preparations. President Donald Trump is like a master chessplayer–– always thinking one, two,...
Billy Boy Barr, the so-called Attorney General of the United States, is one happy camper these days. “The bossman says I’m doing a tremendous job, a fantastic job,” Barr says, puffing his chubby cheek...
Sen. Mitch McConnell is one crafty rascal. “I’m like an episode of Law and Order –– I want justice and good acting with supportive sponsors,” the debonair silver fox cooed to The Lint Screen . Here ar...
Oh my God , what the hell is Trump talking about? This guy is nuts. He just babbles on and on . Does he ever tell the truth? Can he tell the truth? The man is absolutely pathetic. He's petty, selfish,...
You might not think a 77-year-old guy would be hip to the happenings of America's youth, but you'd be wrong, daddy-O! Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been cruising the country on his "No Malarkey...
Yesterday was a big one for President Donald J. Trump and GOP patriots defending the Constitution and rule of law. As the evil, America-hating Democrats continued their circus charade of trying to imp...
Presidents stick together! Today, Russia President Vladimir Putin popped by The Lint Screen Moscow offices and sung the praises of American President Donald J. Trump . “I feel sorry for your president...
Leave it to the “do-nothing Democrats!” The Republicans have been working hard to solve high drug prices, healthcare costs, crumbling infrastructure, skyrocketing national debt, guns, and opioids whil...
The Lint Screen has secured the private journal of Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan who led a band of fearless patriots in yesterday’s storming of a SCIF (sensitive compartmented information facility) in the Capi...
South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham worships President Donald J. Trump, and he blames the devil himself for the impeachment inquiry underway. “I’ve had it with Satan,” Graham told The Lint Screen . “Go...
While the rest of the world stood aghast at President Trump’s decision to greenlight Turkey for a Syrian invasion, the master of brilliant strategy revealed his thinking. Trump stopped by The Lint Scr...
Donald Trump is not known for his ego. Most would describe the president as shy, mild-mannered , or, intellectual . But this understated egghead has had enough of people questioning him. Trump recentl...
The looney liberals have been returned to their asylum. Yesterday, they got schooled by President Donald J. Trump and put in their place. White House legal sharpshooters sent an 8-page letter to the t...
Donald J. Trump had a “perfect phone call” with Turkish President Erdogan on Sunday. Then, he made “an excellent decision”–– the U.S. would leave its allies the Kurds to go it alone in Syria. “The Kur...
Donald J. Trump has always been a crackerjack businessman , and he runs the United States of America with the same efficient and determined drive for excellence . Today the president declared war agai...
President Donald J. Trump melts down with blinding rage when asked about the impeachment investigation of him recently launched by Congressional Democrats. “It’s very unfair,” Trump told The Lint Scre...
If Perry Mason, Matlock, Jack McCoy, and Ally McBeal had a baby, that child would still look like a legal moron compared to Rudi Giuliani. Donald J. Trump’s personal attorney visited The Lint Screen o...
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is fed up with his compatriots on the other side of the aisle. “The Democrats are unpatriotic,” the ex-model of gold bling necklaces told The Lint Screen. “No ma...
The beautiful thing about our democratic system of government is checks and balances. The executive, legislative, and judicial branches check and balance each other for a balanced stew of delicious de...
Bolton’s out, Busey’s in! Washington’s abuzz with excitement as President Donald Trump shook up his cabinet like a Parchesi dice cup. “Daddy always liked Mr. Busey,” Ivanka Trump, the first daughter t...
President Trump guards his vulnerable citizens within his borders like a mother cat protecting her helpless kittens. He is building his magnificent, beautiful wall for their safety. Now, this protecti...
Today President Donald J. Trump gave federal employees a bonus they never counted on–– luxury accommodations when they travel. "I'm very concerned about the efficiency and productivity of our federal...
Some people make idle threats and some people are as serious as a heart attack. Consider Donald J. Trump fatty, calcified plaque clogging all major arteries! The president has been carefully watching...
He’s done it again. Just when you think President Donald J. Trump couldn’t possibly do a better job at presidenting, he goes and proves you wrong! The big man stormed the beaches of France for the G-7...
President Donald J. Trump is a man of vision. The most successful businessman ever, and the best American leader in history has done it again–– he has won his trade war with China! "President Xi of Ch...
Donald J. Trump is known as one of the greatest dealmakers in the history of civilization. “Everyone says so,” he told The Lint Screen . So when the president set his sights on buying Greenland, only...
The jukebox was the original Spotify playlist. With a fistful of coins, you became the D.J. and czar of tunes. To this ex-adman, the jukebox also symbolizes a crutch for creative advertising work. Bec...
Lady Liberty is one old dame! She was given to the United States in 1886. A gift from the French people who would later give us French Fries (a tastier gift that’s much more important in American hist...
The editorial staff of The Lint Screen invites distinguished guests to write on timely issues and present their solutions. Today, we hear from Fox News megastar Sean Hannity . It seems a lot of whiner...
President Trump continues to unite America better than any leader in U.S. history. Following two horrific mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton, our fearless leader jumped on Air Force One with his bea...
Acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney popped into The Lint Screen offices as he continued his ongoing defense of President Trump against charges of racism. “Look, I know a lot of people are...
God obviously really loves America –– why else would He bless us with an honest, caring man who wants to spread the truth and set the record straight? President Donald J. Trump stopped by The Lint Scr...
Georgia Sen. David Perdue called The Lint Screen offices today and clarified his previous remarks about President Trump’s recent Tweets about four progressive Congress members of color. The Tweets wer...
Foreign relations experts around the world heralded President Trump's visit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un at the demilitarized zone (DMZ) on June 30. Many consider it the most significant diplo...
Recently the staff of The Lint Screen was approached by a high-powered GOP strategist for ideas on “positioning lines” for President Donald J. Trump’s re-election bid. While the Big Fella wants to re-...
We live in truly perilous and terrifying times. As President Trump works overtime to make America great again, disturbing reports have surfaced that he is being haunted by a sinister demon. "The presi...
The Lint Screen digs into a story like a dog with a metal detector looking for bones, and we’ve unearthed an enormous scoop–– the complete “beautiful letter” from North Korean Overlord Kim Jong Un to...
Here at The Lint Screen , we are always looking for a story that will give us an edge. A voice that will resonate around the world. With that in mind, we gave Donald Trump, Jr. a star sticker with the...
The nation held its collective breath today as special counsel Robert Mueller held a press conference at the Justice Department. While the pundits debate exactly what Mueller said, press secretary, Sa...
South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham is a devout Christian. “I was raised right,” the sweet talking Graham told The Lint Screen . “I know who to love, and I know who to hate. The good guys have wings...
Having been away from the game for a little over a year, I watch with morbid curiosity as the ad agency business continues its downward slide. The latest? The RFP recently issued by General Mills. GM,...
South Carolina has entered the abortion law fanfare spreading across America. Today state lawmakers passed what many believe is the country's most restrictive abortion law. "We aren't about to watch A...
President Donald J. Trump is a student of history. He has been studying famous battles and warfare and has decided what the United States of America needs isn’t nuclear bombs, aircraft carriers, fight...
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo sees great opportunities thanks to the alleged climate change crisis. “I agree with the president ,” Pompeo told The Lint Screen . “There’s no such thing as climate chan...
Tom Petty wrote, "the waiting is the hardest part." True, Tom, but waiting for the good stuff is rewarding. In the late 1960s and into 1970s, psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford Unive...
Had Obama been president yesterday, Notre Dame Cathedral would be a pile of smoldering ashes today. But fortunately, God gave us Donald J. Trump! When Notre Dame Cathedral erupted in flames Monday, Pr...
Attorney General William Barr is no Jeff "I'm A Recuser Loser" Sessions. Barr is getting involved with the Mueller report in a major way! Yesterday the pudgy A.G. sat before a Congressional subcommitt...
Robert Mueller has finally ended his charade of a witch hunt. He has declared President Trump innocent of Russian collusion and obstruction of justice. And now the administration is taking corrective...
Poor little Devin is so sad not even chocolate milk will cheer him up. Rep. Devin Nunes, the Republican patriot from communist California, is sad. And angry. Nunes recently launched a $250,350,000 def...
Something is wrong in America when a justice warrior and truth teller like Judge Jeanine Pirro is benched by her network for speaking her mind about headwear fashion. Fox News, long regarded as Americ...
Jared Kushner is a self-made man who never got a break. He worked his way up from poverty and obscurity, much like President Trump, and forged his way into the inner circle of global power brokers. Bu...
Ohio Representative Jim Jordan is hopping mad and spitting fireballs of fury. “Our country is under siege,” Jordan told The Lint Screen . “We have that scumbucket liar Michael Cohen badmouthing the gr...
As liberal snowflakes melt in hysteria with raging paranoia about the dangers of climate change, President Trump decided to calm their fears by appointing a renowned expert to head a government study...
While President Donald J. Trump battles fake news, dozens of books airing his dirty laundry, and unfounded witch hunts , some Americans have become treasonous traitors and doubt the integrity of our l...
As sure as the sun rises in the east, President Donald J. Trump will protect Americans from catastrophe, destruction, and certain death. “I said I would build a wall,” the president told The Lint Scre...
The past week has been a turbulent one in the grand ol‘ state of Virginny. The current Governor Ralph Northam was caught in a college yearbook photo wearing either blackface or a KKK hood, the African...
Sarah Sanders has a bit of a temper. Today, the White House press secretary dropped by The Lint Screen offices and overturned desks, threw computers, and slugged the jaws of journalists as she explain...
This is my one-hundredth post for this marketing blog, and obviously, my pontifications have been abject failures. The amount of empathy exhibited in society is awful, as is the quality of marketing w...
Move over, Israelites, you are no longer God’s chosen people. For according to evangelical truth tellers Jerry Falwell, Jr., Rev. Franklin Graham, and Sarah Sanders, the Good Lord has bestowed Preside...
Roger Stone ain’t no stinkin’ rat! The recently arrested political consultant and Trump whisperer called The Lint Screen offices to give the 4–1–1. “Listen up, see?” Stone began the conversation, “I d...
If there’s one thing Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi hates, it’s you. “I can’t stand America,” Pelosi told The Lint Screen . “The only thing I hate more is Americans. Especially the patriotic ones.”...
President Trump faced a difficult decision yesterday — what to serve the college football champion Clemson Tigers during their White House celebration visit. “The president has excellent taste,” polit...
The Lint Screen has secured a top secret transcript of a private meeting President Donald J. Trump held with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Helsinki in July. The document is the only known transc...
Thanks to a sneaky mole, The Lint Screen has obtained a top secret transcript of Friday’s discussion between Team Trump and Team Pelosi inside the White House Situation Room. Cast: DT– Donald Trump MP...
Nancy Pelosi won’t know what hit her when she takes control of the Democrat -ruled Congress on Thursday. President Donald Trump not only wants $5 billion for his “big beautiful wall” — he is demanding...
The president is like an ambulance — he just naturally attracts lawyers. Today, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told The Lint Screen that Rudy Giuliani, President Trump’s legal mastermind, has gone to the bull...
Donald J. Trump is a man who deeply believes in justice and the rule of law. He came by The Lint Screen offices to discuss his views. “I’m someone who wants to right wrongs, ” the president said. “Las...
President Trump sure knows how to be commander-in-chief! After deploying over 5,000 troops to the southern United States border for protection against the horrendously dangerous caravan , the Big Fell...
Our nation is decidedly behind glorious leader Donald J. Trump and his agenda for making America great again. The red wave in the midterm elections proves it! Yet, the cheating Democrats won’t surrend...
Now that the disloyal dwarf Jeff Sessions has resigned as Attorney General, President Trump has named Matthew G. Whitaker acting A.G. The Lint Screen met with Mr. Whitaker as he was working out at a l...
The treacherous, ravaging “caravan” is making a beeline to the United States border at blinding speeds of two-to-four miles an hour, and it presents such an existential threat, Lady Liberty needs a ch...
The Beatles sang “all you need is love.” Not if you want to win elections. In politics, hate sells much better than love. President Trump is in office because he is a masterful entertainer. He knows i...
In an effort to unite the country during these troubled times, President Trump thinks we should give a present to generous people. “The Christmas season is coming up,” the president told The Lint Scre...
“Jamal Khashoggi did indeed die in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul,” Abdullah Ahmad, a spokesperson for the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia told The Lint Screen . “But the circumstances around his unfortunate...
It’s even worse than you feared! Sean Hannity, the North Star of Fox News Channel, recently warned viewers that mobs of angry Democrats are out of control and a threat to our nation. Sure enough, the...
The Lint Screen has decided after extensive and exhaustive research that the best human being to have ever graced the Earth is Saudi Deputy Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. Our editorial staff believ...
If you believe some people do not think Brett Kavanaugh is a dream Supreme Court Justice, dream again, silly goose! A senior Trump administration official claims the alleged protesters against Kavanau...
U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham passed his audition for Attorney General last week at the Brett Kavanaugh hearings. He stopped by The Lint Screen offices to dispense some of his unique brand of chill. Here a...
Donald Trump has done it again! After weeks of bitter bipartisan “wrasslin’” as Sen. Lindsey Graham might say, President Donald J. Trump did the impossible — he persuaded the FBI to launch an investig...
United States President Donald J. Trump was on fire today as he did stand-up comedy for a packed house of international visitors in New York City. “I tell you, I don’t get no respect,” said a twitchy...
Sen. Ted Cruz is out to change public opinion! The despicable little cretin is upset that many people have described him as a repulsive creep devoid of any humanity with the charisma of a moldy mop so...
President Donald J. Trump today accused legendary reporter Bob Woodward of causing Hurricane Florence, expected to batter the Carolinas tomorrow or Friday. “Woodward released his new book this week,”...
Donald J. Trump may regret his 1999 decision to have a professional mime attend all his private meetings — now that the quiet one will sing like a bird for the dirty witch hunting screws! “Mitch” The...
Donald J. Trump announced today he will be awarding recently convicted felon Paul Manafort The Presidential Medal of Freedom next week. “Paul Manafort is one of the bravest Americans ever,” the presid...
Even though Donald J. Trump didn’t serve in the military, he still knows how to be a good soldier. A very good soldier who deserves a medal! When the president received the awful news yesterday that h...
The band U2 is not known for being political, but the Irish rockers are making a move to the most political place on Earth — 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue! Bono told The Lint Screen today that the band’s n...
Mike Pence is the perfect second banana, a loving, loyal lapdog eager to please his master and lick his face. The V.P. ‘took the con’ on Thursday and announced the sixth branch of the U.S. military, S...
“The Storm” is brewing and its name begins with Q. QAnon, a group of fanatics who see scary monsters in every shadow, is now out in the open and nervously sweating. The Lint Screen does a deep dive in...
Rudy Giuliani , President Donald J. Trump’s TV attorney, came to The Lint Screen offices and clarified some of the confused narratives about his client. He had aides set up a podium and bank of microp...
The president called The Lint Screen today to air some grievances. “Everyone is overreacting to my statements in Helsinki ,” Donald J. Trump blasted over the phone. “They are going crazy about a state...
To begin the historic Helsinki meeting between Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump , “Pootie” punked the American prez with the classic joy buzzer handshake. “You’ve got to give Putin round one,” a diplom...
