Author, Humorist
Atlanta - Georgia
I'm an ex-adman, founder of ASO Advertising/Atlanta, who now writes stuff to amuse, entertain, and provoke thought. The kind of guy dictators "disappear" first. I'm also pretty good at guessing numbers between one and ten. I'm correct about 10% of the time.
454 articles
Oz says he knows the state "Like the back of my surfboard." Mehmet Oz, the Republican candidate for US Senate in Pennsylvania, recently claimed that he thought the state was on The Atlantic coastline....
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell explains the coming nirvana under Repubocracy. Republicans are licking their chops in anticipation of a red wave washing over America and sweeping them into cont...
The suave Trump defends price gouging. Eric Trump , The Trump Organization’s executive vice president of shady operations and price gouging, can’t seem to get his story straight. In 2019, Eric claimed...
" Hershel is much more Christian than Rev. Warnock," claims Sen. Rick Scott . Sen. Rick Scott of Florida, the chair of the National Republican Senatorial Committee and walking human penis, is coming t...
Anti-abortion candidate Hershel Walker wants recognition for paying girlfriend abortion bill. GOP Georgia Senate Candidate Hershel Walker is outraged by the media kerfuffle concerning his paying for a...
Trump’s butt plug speaks against counting all the votes cast in elections. Texas Sen. Ted Cruz is a Clydesdale-size horse’s ass, and he does not support the new bill designed to avoid coup attempts li...
Ex-prez promises lots of stuff at his rally. Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump is feeling the pressure #comment-452069">as lawsuits pile up and investigations into his shady past...
Sen. Lindsey Graham lectures women about sex education. Leave it to Lindsey! The self-righteous bachelor recently proposed a national law banning abortions 15 weeks after conception. "If loose ladies...
District Judge Aileen will live rent-free thanks to a mystery person. US Federal Judge Aileen Cannon, a Trump appointee in his final days in The White House, believes no one is above the law , except...
Treasonous criminals will be rewarded if Trump gets elected. On January 6, 2021, thousands of irate crybabies stormed The Capitol , beat cops, destroyed property, and tried to overthrow a free and fai...
How could any idiot mistake these for “fan letters?” Oh, that Donald J. Trump! Since The Justice Department released the picture above of secret documents recovered in Mar-a-Lago on August 8 , the dis...
Little Lindsey is upset at the outrageous behavior of The Justice Department Brownoser Sen. Lindsey Graham says he is outraged by the audacity of The Justice Department in seizing records from disgrac...
Trump defenders are outraged by the FBI confiscating secret documents from Mar-a-Lago Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump has a pack of craven weasels happy to defend and make excus...
Republican bigwigs are upset at The Justice Dept. for dispensing justice against their cult leader. The stalwarts of The Republican Party are up in arms over last week’s “disgraceful illegal invasion”...
Trump takes the Fifth Amendment over 450 times and says he doesn't "have to say nothing to nobody." Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump who once said anyone who took the Fifth Amend...
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene to star in upcoming production. Attendees to last week’s CPAC in Dallas got a preview of what’s sure to be the hottest ticket on Broadway this fall–– Don’t Cry For Me MAGA...
Ernie Johnson may be the perfect template for a Republican candidate. Dry Cleaner Ernie Johnson wants to be the mayor of Mesa, Arizona, and the GOP candidate has a platform he thinks can't miss. " Tru...
Sen. Hawley claims he loves “working out at work.” Anyone who knows Missouri Sen. Josh Hawley will tell you that he is a turd on two legs, and Hawley proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt on January...
The Secret Service accepts no blames for missing texts on January 5, and 6, 2021 . Jim Fletcherson has been working for The Secret Service since 1998. “I’ve seen a lot of changes in that time,” he tel...
The Big Boss wanted to hear why he shouldn’t be “King For All Time!!!” This week’s January 6 Committee meeting revealed the utter insanity gripping the Oval Office on December 18, 2020, as disgraced t...
Graham is drunk with power and urges he cannot contain or control. Sen. Lindsey Graham (S.C.) is outraged that he has been issued a subpoena by an Atlanta-area special grand jury investigating twice-i...
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas opens up about women. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas told The Lint Screen he must control over half the population of the United States. “I’m not a sexist,...
Rep. Ron Johnson receives a fake phone call. Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson is an important man. Reporters swarmed Johnson following yesterday’s January 6 committee hearing, where he was implicated as off...
Don The Con is at it again––he’s milking his rubes! The Lint Screen has obtained a new email from "THE PRESIDENT'S DESK IN MAR-A- LAGO" soliciting money for his defense against the January 6th Committ...
South Dakota’s Sen. Thune can actually talk! In a startling development, The Lint Screen was able to corner the tall guy always standing behind Republican Sen. Mitch McConnell when he addresses the pr...
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz doubles and triple downs on gun ownership. Sen. Ted Cruz wants to make it crystal clear that he is pro-life and pro-gun. The portly bag of crap from Texas has been acting like a to...
Teachers will now be charged with stopping school shootings. Following the tragic elementary school massacre in Uvalde, Texas, yesterday, the Republican Party has finally decided enough is enough. “We...
Mark Meadows tried controlling a mad man , and failed. The Lint Screen recently published the first batch of damning emails from various GOP leaders to former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows during the at...
Justice Samuel Alito wants to control women’s bodies. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito caused a sensation when the draft of his upcoming decision concerning abortion leaked earlier this week. Alito...
Trump discusses his upcoming coup with his chief bootlicker, Marky Mark Meadows. Former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows is at the center of a flood of damning emails before and during the attempted coup t...
“You want to teach me CRT? Well, do you, punk?” With the midterm elections approaching, the Republican Party has been adamant about not standing for anything other than the cult worship of disgraced t...
Sen. Chuck Grassley is spinnin’ mad at Rep. Madison Cawthorn for “dropping a dime” on him. On a recent podcast, Rep. Madison Cawthorn of North Carolina made wild claims that caused Iowa Sen. Chuck Gra...
Chris Rock reacts after getting slapped by macho man Will Smith. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air lost his cool in Hollywood last night as Will Smith slapped Chris Rock for making a joke about his wife, Ja...
Sen. Graham is confused while questioning Ketanji Brown Jackson Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson was grilled yesterday by South Carolina Sen. Lindsay Graham during her confirmation hearing....
The Tuckman is heading up image-building for Vladimir Putin. Tucker Carlson of Fox News is one of America and Russia’s most popular broadcasters, and Russian President Vladimir Putin wants to harness...
He thought he was stepping into the future, then came the shocking truth! Derek Crayton had read a lot about the Metaverse and its promise of an exciting virtual utopia, so he decided to experience it...
Trump is greatly respected and feared by Putin, ex-prez sez. Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump has fond memories of his time with Russian President Vladimir Putin . “If I were pre...
The Tuckernator says it’s time to call it a day and accept autocratic leadership. Tucker Carlson, the enraged boy toy of Fox News and the most popular commentator in Russia, says it’s time we all surr...
Black people enjoyed full employment thanks to America’s generosity. Because children are our most precious assets (after gold, Bitcoin, and Beyonce NFTs), The Republican Party has taken decisive acti...
McConnell won’t allow President Biden to usurp his powers. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is madder than a banty rooster trapped in a McDonalds’ colorful plastic ball pit playpen. “If Joe Bide...
Happy puppy hand puppets are helping keep Donald Trump’s spirits high. Some people drink alcohol or take drugs when they feel down, but a unique therapy is treating disgraced twice-impeached ex-Presid...
Kevin McCarthy claims to have been kidnapped on January 5, 2021 House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy is claiming he was absent during the January 6th Inaugural Insurrection & Coup Event . The House se...
The Don watches Capitol invasion on TV, issues orders to toadies. As the January 6 Select Committee wades through seas of incriminating evidence, The Lint Screen is unearthing facts and exposing the t...
The angry gullible mob wants to reunite for Daddy Trump. As the country braces for the first anniversary of the January 6th attempted coup to overturn a free and fair election , the pack of riled-up f...
Sen. Mitch McConnell is confident he’ll soon be Majority Leader again. In a 50-50 Senate, the stakes are high for dominance. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is drooling at the prospect of lurin...
Mark “The Turd” Meadows helping with Trump’s planned coup attempt. When Mark Meadows shared over 9,000 pages of documents to the House select committee probing the Capitol assault, he had no idea what...
The slimy Rep. Devin Nunes of California is leaving for occupancy up Donald Trump’s ass. No one would ever accuse California Rep. Devin Nunes of having integrity or honor. So naturally, disgraced twic...
The former Kyle Rittenhouse has a new identity. Kyle Rittenhouse is dead. The 18-year-old may have gotten off free for traveling over state lines and gunning down a couple of people in Kenosha, Wiscon...
Tough guy Gosar thinks Americans are getting weak. Rep. Paul Gosar (AZ) is angry with President Joe Biden , and he may tweet a cartoon about it. “ Biden is trying to ruin America with his stupid infra...
Spineless weasel Rep. Mark Meadows scurries to hide from accountability. It appears some people are above the law. Trump’s last chief of staff, Mark Meadows, failed to appear for a Friday deposition b...
Brandon Snarply couldn’t be happier about his recent popularity. If you have a feather handy, you could use it to knock over Brandon Snarply, a warehouse assistant manager in Little Rock, Arkansas. “I...
Rep. Scalise wants “the true patriots” to be honored in Washington. House Minority Whip Steve Scalise (R-LA) is hotter than a Banty-rooster refused for a low-interest henhouse loan. “I’m sick and tire...
Loser ex-prez wants to play games. Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump continues his big lie that he won the 2020 election . While he forces all Republican politicians to genuflect...
The disgraced former Vice President is still on team Trump. Toilet paper doesn’t know Donald J. Trump’s ass as well as Mike Pence does. The former V.P. still worships his ex-boss, disgraced, twice-imp...
The Arizona Senator opens up about the Democratic spending plans. The dogged investigative journalists of The Lint Screen tracked down Arizona Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D?) to ask why she is stonewalling J...
They lived free, and died free. Freedom lovers are showing up in cemeteries to announce their love of freedom. “I still think this Covid thing is a hoax,” says Wilbur Manson, hooked up to a ventilator...
Bounty hunters are preparing for open season on pregnant women. In the old west, the marshal would round up a posse to chase and track down dirty no-good varmints who broke the law. In Texas, the same...
Those damn Democrats are at it again! First, they cheated disgraced twice-impeached ex-president Donald J. Trump out of his re-election to a second term, and now, they are cheating conservative talk s...
A new GOP law would seriously limit free speech for women statewide. The Republican Party is on a roll in Texas. After effectively eliminating a woman’s right to choose after six weeks and turning the...
Sen. Ray Wills says every life is precious, even ones created as a result of rape. Boy, howdy, if you want an abortion, you better not be in Texas. The Texas state senate passed the restrictive Senate...
The world loves Ted Lasso, but Donald Trump doesn’t. Apple TV may have a hit with its show Ted Lasso, but there’s one person who is not a fan: disgraced twice-impeached ex-president Donald J. Trump. “...
Randy Sumpton wanted to keep his freedom, so he robbed a bank maskless It used to be wearing a mask was an essential part of a bank robber’s wardrobe. Not anymore. Randy Sumpton of Apopka, Florida, de...
Florida's Governor Ron DeSantis won't tolerate government interference. It seems The Republican Party is battling over who can be the most heartless, and in that showdown, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis ma...
Johnson believes Nancy Pelosi is “an existential threat to our country.” The man closer to Trump’s ass than Donald’s sphincter, Rep. Ron Johnson (R-WI), is looking beyond his original conspiracy theor...
Rep. Kevin McCarthy says these men are Antifa shills. Just when you thought GOP House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy could't go any lower, he takes the down escalator. McCarthy, who didn't think the J...
“The Ohio Hurricane” is benched by mean old Nancy Pelosi. Rep. Jim Jordan (OH) has seen many things in his life, like Ohio State wrestlers manhandled by a pervert team doc. Still, Jordan says he’s nev...
Republicans denounce efforts to vaccinate citizens against deadly diseases. The Republican Party loves freedom and hates what President Joe Biden is doing to destroy America . “Joe Biden is nuts,” say...
Former Attorney General Bill Barr is confounded. Anyone who knows ol’ Billy Boy Barr will attest to the fact he’s a straight shooter and calls ’em like he sees ’em! The former Attorney General dropped...
General Mark Milley defends himself against a barrage of Republican nut jobs. General Mark Milley may be the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, but that meant bupkis to many Republican representat...
The two world leaders sit down for a candid talk, and no fistfights broke out. Russia’s President Vladimir Putin says, “The United States should allow freedom of expression” and drop all charges again...
The super scientific Cyber Ninjas crush the Arizona recount. Since April 23, Cyber Ninjas have been hard at work to prove election fraud in Maricopa County, Arizona, and now the team of crack crackpot...
Mitch says the Democrats are trying to destroy democracy. Sen. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) is a man who loves America “more than my wife, more than just about anything,” he says. Today Mitc...
McCarthy is trying hard to remember his whereabouts on January 6 Congressional Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) says he “is usually sharp as a tack,” but for some reason he can’t recall where he...
The excited tourists come to visit the Capitol on January 6, 2021 . Just when you thought the Republican Party couldn’t go any lower , the lying bastards get on the express elevator and hit the down b...
In the stillness of the Arizona night, if you listen closely, you will hear the voice of John McCain's ghost saying, "I like my presidents to be winners." But that spooky spirit doesn't stop the voter...
“Liz is paying the price for refusing to get along,” House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy told The Lint Screen regarding his Republican Party’s decision to banish Wyoming Representative Liz Cheney. “W...
Tucker Carlson is a fearless journalist who believes in the sanctity of freedoms promised Americans by The Constitution. What follows is an opinion piece that aired on Carlson’s popular Fox News show....
House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy continued his revisionist history tour following his appearance on Chris Wallace’s “Fox News Sunday” show. The Trump fanboy popped into The Lint Screen offices on...
The Republican Party is hard at work suppressing voting rights and now also shutting down protesters. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis tells The Lint Screen , “protests are un-American and against freedo...
Donald J. Trump claims, “I could have played pro baseball. Every major league team wanted me. I was a natural, like Robert Redford in that movie. I forget the name of it.” That was then. Now, the disg...
Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz is a familiar presence on conservative TV networks, and with his recent acts of Christian kindness, he’s sure to become even more popular. Today the Republican Congressman told...
Donald J. Trump claims Joe Biden stole his presidency . “It was disgraceful,” the reviled twice-impeached ex-president told The Lint Screen . “I had the biggest election victory in history– winning al...
Everyone knows it can get pretty hot in the state of Georgia , so its Governor Brian Kemp has created what he calls “a brilliant solution” to refreshing voters on Election Day. “I took a lot of flak w...
Donald Trump was not a pet person, but Joe Biden is, and the president has decided to put his pet German Shepherd "Major" do his negotiating with Republican Senators on Biden's infrastructure plan. "I...
The Republican Party has taken decisive action to curb gun violence following the recent mass shootings in Atlanta and Boulder. “ The Democrats hate God and want to take away everyone’s guns,” said Se...
Although he’s left the national stage, disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald Trump is not keeping his big yap shut. He summoned The Lint Screen to his luxurious lair at Mar-A-Lago to give his...
Texas Republican Rep. Chip Roy was the subject of controversy when he made statements about frontier justice in reaction to a Congressional hearing addressing discrimination against Asian Americans. “...
Sen. Ron Johnson thinks fear is a black or white issue. The Wisconsin senator removed his hood and spoke on conservative radio host Joe Pag’s show Thursday. “There was outrage by the fake news liberal...
There’s no more free ride for the Republican Party. Twice-impeached disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trum p has served the Republican Party with his official Grifting Menu detailing the costs associat...
Georgia elected two Democratic senators to Washington, D.C. However, the state has plenty of good ol’ boys and girls under Atlanta’s capitol building dome. The GOP-controlled state senate passed some...
Netflix is continuing its domination of streaming. First, the innovative company ruled the airwaves with its blockbuster show The Crown detailing Queen Elizabeth II’s life. Now the entertainment monol...
Missouri Senator Josh Hawley is a forgiving man, and he believes FBI Director Chris Wray should also be merciful. Yesterday, Hawley grilled Wray on the FBI response to the January 6 Capitol attack . T...
Pity poor “Little Marco” Rubio. As many Republican politicians vie to curry favor with their master, twice impeached disgraced ex-president Donald J. Trump , Rubio has gotten lost in the shuffle of cr...
The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has kicked off, and America had better get ready to feel the love of true Trumpers. CPAC is known as the Lollapalooza of the lunatic fringe , where...
Today's 'Florida man' news story is a doozy. Florida's Republican Congressional Representative Matt Gatez told The Lint Screen the insurrection on January 6 at the U.S. Capital was the direct result o...
Wisconsin Republican Sen. Ron Johnson should not be around sharp objects. He could hurt himself. The unhinged looney spun his ridiculous conspiracy theories yesterday at the first public Senate hearin...
Former Texas Governor Rick Perry says he knows his people “like the back of my hand,” as he points to his open palm. “And Texans are tough, they don’t need no handouts from nobody.” Perry, who ran the...
Caroline and Catherine Cruz may be children, but that doesn't give them a license to force their father into politically sticky situations! Texas Senator Ted Cruz told The Lint Screen his two "awful d...
Ted Cruz is the kind of Texan that would make Sam Houston's eyes teary. The svelte senator leaped into action when Texas experienced massive power outages statewide this week. "I saw my people sufferi...
Two leaders of the Republican Party are outraged at the dangers looming within their own ranks. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham are committed to crushing...
